July 7, 1989

Throughout my pregnancy, I dreaded and looked forward to this day more than any other. For nine months I carried my son, felt every kick and flutter and cried every day. I so wanted to share my experiences with someone but his father decided he did not want to be with me and married someone else. I had made the decision months before to let my son go to a family who could care for him better than I could but when the day finally came... I didn't know if I could make that decision. Tyler Jacob Haase was born July 7, 1989. The doctor knew the situation and rather than have him in a birthing room, I was hidden in a back surgical room to have my son in a sterile cold room alone. I wasn't supposed to hold him but the nurse let me for a few minutes. I promised him one day I would see him again with my tears falling on his little face and that I loved him more than my words could ever express. He was such a beautiful baby. I walked out of the hospital the next day without my son and went back to my empty apartment alone. I cried every day, it was like a death at the amount of grief I felt. Saying goodbye to Tyler broke my heart and I prayed one day he would find me and I could tell him how much I truly loved him. I finally met someone who has shown me more love than I could ever imagine and we have four wonderful children but something was always missing. I told him from the beginning about Tyler and my children grew up knowing there was a piece of our family out there somewhere. Little did I know our lives would be reunited again and it was the happiest day of my life.